


The Life of A Background Apprentice

by Adia17



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Death, Ficlets, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Julian Devorak Route Spoilers, M/M, Non-binary Reader - Freeform, Other, Past Asra/Julian Devorak, Reader-Becomes-Infected-With-The-Plague, Reader-Insert, Red Plague (The Arcana), The Lazaret (The Arcana), Unreliable Narrator, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:14:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29015661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adia17/pseuds/Adia17
Summary: You've always wondered why it was odd.With how often you've seen those two together.
Relationships: Apprentice & Asra (The Arcana), Apprentice & Julian Devorak, Asra/Julian Devorak
Kudos: 8





	1. Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> You've always found it odd.

You've always wondered why it was odd.

With how often you've seen those two together-- your master, Asra and your… _how to put it_ , the Doctor you've worked under with (and is secretly the one that holds your hidden affection), Dr. Julian Devorak. The one who you more than often catch yourself spacing out, about, while refocusing on the plague. _Yes,_ the plague.

Not the pure, defenseless face he manages to appear whenever he falls asleep all of the sudden. No, no. _You must not think that way_ . With how his face lights up whenever an idea-- _involving leeches_ , comes into his mind. Dramatically exclaiming as if it was an equivalent of a ' _Eureka!'._ Yet would feel weakened whenever it didn't work, which you would subtly pat him lightly in the back and maybe, even... sometimes slip random trinkets on his desks (where he would sometimes mutter a short 'thank you' before he went back on his work). _But no, no._ The plague. You must think of the plague. Focus.

In this strangely suffocating basement, where the air seemed too stale. Where the both of you shared the office, with you volunteering to become his assistant. Not of _him_ , of course. He was simply… a bonus. _Yet it seemed as if he kept on bugging your mind_ , _with_ _a strange tingling in your heart._ No, no. No, no. You must not think that way. Not ever. _Yet._


	2. Wonder

You've been finding it odd. 

Nowadays, Asra has been avoiding your gaze, with a _slight flush_ on his cheek. A strange sight, as he was not the one to be easily flustered. With that slight smile of his, it could cover up some of his hidden emotions. Yet, ever since you've confided in him (with the.. ahem, Doctor problem) it seems as if he was avoiding...

His endearing smile was changed with a face filled with _guilt and shame_.

You really did not know why, he had never seemed like that, even if he once had eaten a dessert you have kept for yourself. He was not the type of person to leave hints like this. (He was chuckling at your face when you managed to clear the mystery of the lost pudding, as if he had done nothing wrong. That smile though…)

And maybe those instances where you could feel something… different about the two.

_Have you interrupted something_ , you wondered. Seeing Julian flustered was a treat though. But why was Asra… 


	3. A Stroll

And you've always found it odd.

  
Whenever you'd join Julian in his daily routine (eating, having the dramatic outbursts, and hunting for leeches) and Asra would occasionally bump into the both of you, Julian's face would turn red, and Asra into a hidden _grimace_ …? before meeting your eyes. With his usual endearing smile, as you remembered you used to tease him about since he seemed to have the small smile that 'The Magician' has.

  
("U-Uhh, w-we were just… bargaining for leeches… yes! With (Y/N) here…haha.." where you found yourself nearly dying from internally wheezing. Slick move, Julian.)


	4. A Witness

You've always thought it was odd.

Yet, now, _here you were_. 

Behind the bookshelf, secretly witnessing something you should not have to.  _ Them,  _ sharing intimacy.  _ Them _ , whispering words shared by lovers.  _ Them…  _ you were at a loss. Was it… the feeling of betrayal? No, _no_. It wasn't like that. There was never anything between you and Juli- Dr. Devorak at all. Only but a daydream. Nothing.

All the pieces have fitted together. The reason why Asra has been guilt-ridden along with shame. The reason why Dr. Devorak flush red like a maiden in love for the first time. The reason… was in front of you. Or what could be distinctly seen or heard or smell from where you had been hiding in. It was difficult. But, you should've expected something like this.

It was painful. Yet, no. You must not think that way. Maybe it was a small reminder to focus on the  _ damned plague _ . Still being Dr. Devorak's assistant, nothing more. Nothing less. May the damned plague be gone, so you could  _ leave  _ it all behind. Yet why did the both of them sound so… wrong. It was as if they were using each other. Were they… no. No, there was no need to further elaborate what their relation was. You had nothing to do with it. You were nothing. Simply but a background character, that miraculously could communicate with them.

You should keep your distance. Nothing but an outside force. Nothing. You were simply the fool. It felt horrible, confiding in Asra. When did they even… no, no. No matter what kind of  _ tingles _ it brought to you, to how weak and helpless Ju-- Dr. Devorak seemed in Asra's arms. And to how indifferent Asra seemed to be. Until he seemed to be…  _ surprised _ ? Yet kept on. Did he… see… no. No. You weren't supposed to be here. Distance yourself. Yet you seemed to not be able to tear your eyes away from them, it seemed too… beautiful. Like a painting displayed in a hidden part of a museum.  _ You were not supposed to witness this.  _

But were you not really?


	5. Distance

Distance yourself so you wouldn't have to hurt. You should stop hoping your actions silently proclaiming your love for Dr. Devorak, would be noticed. You gradually stopped. The stagnant air might be pungent outside yet inside, it was a different kind of stagnant. Clear yet unclear, warm yet frigid. It was contrasting. 

Focusing on your scribbling, continuing the short reports of the current deaths and identities of who else have died under Dr. Devorak's care.  _ Or more like, the both of you. _ All the while secretly hinting about your hatred towards the count who continued to throw lavish parties, hoping he'd get his karma soon. 

While of course, being distanced from Dr. Devorak. Emotionally. Although lately, it seemed as if he started to notice the distance you've been pushing him. (Yet you will not believe in that. Not anymore. It was only an assumption, nothing more. Your actions were subtle, after all. It would take a detective to notice. And he himself is pretty dense...)

Yet he… Julian… he… no matter how it hurt, you still couldn't stop yourself. Whenever he'd fall asleep, you still could not stop yourself from giving him the spare blanket, along with moving the ink in order not to be spilled in his sleep. Silently moving around, as you kept on daydreaming. If there was another life where you'd end up being with him. Maybe it would be close to impossible, yet you couldn't stop yourself. Was this infatuation going to the next level? You still kept on loving him. _A fool_ you were. While Asra has been trying to communicate with you. Yet you can't. You seemed to be unable, you can't. It felt so bad. It was something witnessed only by the beings above, to bless upon their intimacy. Not by mortal eyes.


	6. Asra

"(Y/N)... tell me… are you alright?" on his face was a look of concern, as he saw you suddenly wince. 

"Yes, Asra. I am. What, you worried? Pff-"

"Yes, I am." He closed his eyes, to breathe out the  next words properly. " _Because I-_ "

"Oh, look at the time. Uhh, duty calls. Asra, thanks for the free lunch!" 

_-I love you._


	7. End Scene

As the never ending cycle repeated, you did not even know if it was a joke by the higher beings to you. To why you've always managed to catch the both of  _ them.  _ And you've still found yourself hurting over Julian… no, Dr. Devorak. You were not familiar with him after all. (He seemed to be pretty peeved by the sudden change from the gentle calls from your mouth of his name, Julian to a frigid, monotone, almost deceivingly inhuman call of Dr. Devorak, yet decided not to speak of it. It was… odd, to him at least.)

And it was expected. All but expected.

Ever since you've carelessly been bitten by the  _ bugs--  _ the red beetles. The ones that seemed to pop, whenever one crushes it.  _ The ones that were the source of this darned plague _ . These bastards that seemed to be attached to the Count, may he get bitten by one, and these… quite laughable. You were supposed to be a Doctor's assistant, not a patient.

But not even the said Doctor had noticed. Not even up until the day you'd be dragged into the Lazaret.  _ Julian. Please don't leave me. Don't abandon me.  _ Ah, the words you could have said. Spilling out, desperation flooding like a dam. Maybe you have, as you distantly recalled a pained look in his face. Or maybe you didn't. Yet it felt as if he held you dearly. As you could still feel the non-existent warmth of his hold, of his reassuring words.  _ And his quivering voice, a desperation not to let you go.  _ You sure hoped it was real.

  
  


Along with that short delirium of yours, where Asra had confessed his feelings for you, and how he wouldn't want to see you hurt. That he would redo everything, not to see you infected with the plague. Not to see you be taken away to the Lazaret. Where you'd die and  _ become nothing more than a pile of ashes drifting through the wind _ . And he'd sacrifice himself just to see you alive once again. What a crazy illusion, it seemed to make fun of you for being a hopeless human. Helpless. Susceptible to death. Weak. Frail.

  
  


Yet even as you've felt the suffocating energy of the island, as you were carefully rowed towards the shore. Even with the agonizing pain you've felt in your body, as you felt yourself be weakened. Like every sickness in the world has been inside your body. Even with the inability to think straight anymore,

  
  


You'd still love Julian, even with all of these. Even with how he did not notice your attempts.  _ Even if he was smitten by your charming master. _ You still loved him. All of his dramatic antics. His inability to speak casually once flustered. His soft expression, his smile. God, you'd kill for that smile. His expression whenever he'd feel down.  _ The way his face flush red around... _

If there was a next life,

"I hope I won't fall in love again." and, "I would still love you, even in my next life."

Contrasting. Ugly yet beautiful. These feelings, even hinted with pain. These unrequited feelings.  Slowly fading away, nothing more than just a mere dust. With expression of bliss yet regret. As Asra had seen through the water. As Asra had feared. As Asra - f elt the ugly tears fall down like a dam once again. He'd do anything just to see you back. Again. Alive. 

Anything.


End file.
